how i feel..

hey friend–

here i am again. sitting here at starbucks, by my lonesome, just how i like it. it helps me just get away from everything… my life has been such a mess. and i just wish that it could just get better..

but as i said in the last post, i would explain what is going to happen in my life in the near future…

well, i believe i have fully decided to move to california….

honestly, i feel like i might have a much better emotional support system there than the one i don’t have over here.

i don’t have any job offers yet, but i am going to work my ass off to find me a job so i can get back on my feet. i am honestly just scared that it’ll be easier said than done.

i am scared to move there. but i just don’t have anything here for me here. i wish i knew what my actual plan is with my life… i just don’t know shit.

it’s hard for me to think that far or near in my life… like goals and plans and stuff like that. i don’t know… i guess it’s just the depression that really makes it hard for me to think. there is just so much that is going on in the now, i can’t think about the future. i hate it so much. i just wish i knew what the hell i was doing. or at least know if i am making the right or wrong choice…

but i know… that’s how life works… you make choices and you learn the rights and wrongs depending on the choices and actions that you make.

i just wish i knew…

 

be well, my friend.
-jb [16:05]

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