to be happy.

hey friend–

so therapy has been getting the best of me.

i find myself not doing the things that i need to do to get myself to be a better person.

i keep failing myself.

i feel like there is just this block that i can’t really see and it’s stopping me from becoming the best that i can.

i’ve had several suicidal thoughts. no plans to actually commit, just thoughts.

i hate the fact that i even have these thoughts.

my therapist did ask me if i was having these thoughts again… and i was honest. i said yes.

she was glad that i was being honest with her. she was happy to see that.

she did tell me something that she quoted from someone else, i can’t remember who…

“suicide is an long term solution to a short term problem”

which is true i guess.. but i honestly cannot see myself out of this “short term problem”.

i just feel so unhappy, i don’t even want to deal with myself anymore.

i cannot take the fact that i feel no love from anyone. i just feel nothing. i still feel blank.

i wish someone could just end me and i don’t have to deal with it.

just take me please. i am hurting too much.

i’m sorry for the shitty post. i am in a terrible place and cannot handle myself at the moment.

be well, my friend.
jb[20:45]

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