so therapy has been getting the best of me.
i find myself not doing the things that i need to do to get myself to be a better person.
i keep failing myself.
i feel like there is just this block that i can’t really see and it’s stopping me from becoming the best that i can.
i’ve had several suicidal thoughts. no plans to actually commit, just thoughts.
i hate the fact that i even have these thoughts.
my therapist did ask me if i was having these thoughts again… and i was honest. i said yes.
she was glad that i was being honest with her. she was happy to see that.
she did tell me something that she quoted from someone else, i can’t remember who…
“suicide is an long term solution to a short term problem”
which is true i guess.. but i honestly cannot see myself out of this “short term problem”.
i just feel so unhappy, i don’t even want to deal with myself anymore.
i cannot take the fact that i feel no love from anyone. i just feel nothing. i still feel blank.
i wish someone could just end me and i don’t have to deal with it.
just take me please. i am hurting too much.
i’m sorry for the shitty post. i am in a terrible place and cannot handle myself at the moment.
be well, my friend.