13 reasons why…

hey friend–

i’ve watched the latest trend on netflix… 13 reasons why…

and to be honest. it related to me on so many emotional levels. it scared me a bit.

i had to watch it to the end. because honestly, yes, i was super curious as to [spoiler alert] how she killed herself.

she did slit her wrists… and bled out. in her bathtub.

it was really emotional for me, because in my most vulnerable, low moments in my life, i too have found myself in the bathtub crying it out.

on several occasions, i found myself wanted to just end it all there. i wanted to bleed it out on my naked self.

i was living alone then… so there wouldn’t be anyone to come and find my death by surprise.

anyway… suicide has been on my mind a lot lately… not planning to do harm to myself. i’ve just been thinking about the actual situation if i were to ever or ever do come to that point.

i am sure that it would affect some people in some way… but right now i just don’t feel like it would.

i live with my parents for goodness sakes and they don’t have a fucking clue that i am seeing a therapist. they have no idea that i’m about to see a psychiatrist as well…. or even that i am taking medication to help me through the depression.

they have no fucking clue.

and it hurts me that they don’t.

i just wish that they would take some fucking interest in my life and just not see me as a lump that sleeps in their living room.

sorry for the ugly post. this is just what i’m feeling right now.

 

be well, my friend.
jb[17:46]

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