feelings

hey friend–

tomorrow will be my first complete week on medication.

yea… medication.

in all my years of just growing up and stuff, i never thought i’d be the one to go through depression and take medication to make me feel better.

it kind of makes me feel less of myself because i take meds now.

i guess the meds do make me not think about the bad stuff…

there is a part of me that doesn’t want to take the medication, but it makes me better… i think.

i honestly don’t know if i can tell if it’s working or not.

i did wake up this morning and forced myself to not take the pills, just to see what it would do to me.

i did have a little ‘freak out’ this morning when i was taking a shower…

i just kept asking myself… why… why me… why am i still here… i don’t belong here…

 

anyway…

 

be well, my friend.
jb [19:11]

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4 thoughts on “feelings

  1. anexplorertrapped says:

    Hi bud, honestly there’s nothing wrong with being afraid of the medication. It can be frightening, but if they are going to help, then it’s got to be done bud. Give it some time, as in more than a week, and if they are not helping, let your doc know.

    But pal, don’t feel like you shouldn’t be here, there are people out there that do care about you bud, I promise. Keep fighting bud, if you’ve made it this far, you can keep going honestly 🙂

    I’m always a message away, but sorry if the replies are late, got a lot of work to pile through cos of A-levels aha

    Like

    1. an unsettled explorer says:

      Thanks man. I really appreciate the reply.

      I’m getting through it day by day. It’s just taking a bit of time… I wish I could just get to the part where i am feeling better. know what i mean?

      Keep up the hard work with the A-levels… I’m not familiar with it all, but I’m sure a smart kid like you can do it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. anexplorertrapped says:

        Don’t worry man. If you’re like myself and came to WordPress in need of just letting shit out and also finding people who understand, then it’s great to interact and read through posts from yourself 🙂

        Honestly mate, that’s great that you’re taking it day by day. But guessing you already know but they’ll always be days where it’s pure shit and you’ve got to like sorta battle through it (easier said than done), and try focus on what could happen the next day.

        I get what you mean, like wanting to skip the process to the good. But over time, new things come along and something can spring at you all of a sudden. These will help you aid that process of feeling better.

        Cheers man, I’ll keep reading your posts bud. Hey chin up man, you got this pal 💪

        Liked by 1 person

  2. an unsettled explorer says:

    Definitely… I did come here to let it all out. It’s one of my coping mechanisms to deal with the depression and pretty much life in general…

    I’m glad that I know that there is someone out there that I can relate to. Although, i wish it weren’t the circumstances that it is now… if that makes sense.

    Anyways.. keep it easy, friend. Keep in touch.

    Liked by 1 person

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