life update…

hey friend,

 

it looks like i have been away from the blog a little bit. sorry about that…

anyway, life has been okay.

i have been good at keeping my head up high. thankfully.

i am still at my parents house… sleeping on the futon. which, by the way, is probably the worst thing ever. it is so uncomfortable and i get never get that great of sleep.

i still have no privacy, which should not bother me much since i knew what i was getting myself into…

i wrote out something to put on the blog about a couple of weeks ago. i wasn’t sure if i wanted to post it because it was a pretty emotional day… not just for me, but my brother and his friend as well…

long story short~~~ i went over to my brothers place and hung out a bit, we went to the grocery store, only to find my brother’s friend’s dog lying on the side of the road… lifeless.

it was a sad day… for us… my brother, his friend and i… i guess i can just post it. i just have to review it before i post it… it just has been sitting in the notes on my phone.

i am not really sure why i haven’t posted it yet. it just has been a touchy subject. i feel like i have some blame to the death of his dog because of the choices that i made that day.

now, i am not saying that i killed the dog, on accident or purpose. she was lifeless when my brother and i found her. the reason why i feel like it’s all my fault is because i was never meant to go my brother place that night. it was a spontaneous decision. and i feel that spontaneous decision cost the life of someone who meant dearly to someone.

anyways.. on a hopeful note. i have decided to re-admit myself back into school. half of me is nervous, excited, you know… all of the good feelings. then, the other half of me feels scared. scared because with my history of dropping out and feeling like a failure, i feel like the past might repeat itself. which i really hope it would not. but it’s all about my choices right?

deep down inside, i feel like this depression is going to be a big affect on my schooling. and i don’t want that to take over when i am trying to better myself. i really want to go and meet new people and learn new things. i just hope this darkness will not overcome me like it has before.

i have also been thinking about therapy a lot… which has been an iffy issue lately every time i think about it. i am just scared that the therapist will judge me. i feel like he or she might think bad of me. like i am a faker looking for attention.

i don’t know… i just hope that my good days overlook my bad days.

i should probably go. until next time…

 

be well, my friend.
jb [19:15]

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