hope is gone.

hey friend,


so today marks my 23rd birthday.

i wish i was happy enough to enjoy it, but i’m just not.

i’ve lost all hope in myself. and i’m scared that i will never get it back.

i am spending my day all by myself, half by choice and other half of… well i guess no one wanted to come see me… family/friend wise.

oh well is all i can say. it’s mostly because i’ve shut everyone out enough to where they just stopped caring.

it’s okay, i’d rather just stay by myself. i really don’t feel like being a downer on people who don’t deserve it.

on another note. there is one person who has lost all of my trust and keeps trying to contact me today.

frankly, i am not going to give in. reason is because i know for sure that i am going to be let down in the end. i just don’t want to deal with any of that right now.

emotionally, i am forever broken. i don’t know if i could ever be fixed.

and what? i go to a doctor, tell him or her about my problems and then what, he gives me some anti-depressants and say “it’ll be okay”?

no, i am not going to do that crap. i don’t want to end up some pill popper. i just can’t.

i just don’t know what else to do.

all of this is affecting not just my personal life, but also my work life.

i’ve been really tempted to tell my boss that i don’t think i can take over this new position that has been given to me.

mentally, i don’t think it’s going to be right for me.

should i quit or step down from the plate and let someone else take over?

i don’t know what to do…

alright, well i am done writing up my feelings for the day. until next time…


be well, my friend.
jb [18:16]


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