living in fear

hey friend,

 

i will apologize in advance for the depressing post today. this weekend has not been so good to me.

mentally, i am breaking down. the good to bad day ratio is unfavorable. as it’s always been lately, the bad days outshine the good ones.

it’s not that i asked for this. i wish i could get help. but i think getting help is going to fail me. i feel like it will soon no longer be an option for me. i will just be succumbed to this depression forever.

i feel as if i am too far into this depression that i am too weak to crawl out of it. i am imprisoned in my own mind, surrounded by darkness.

i’ve lost all hope. not just in myself, but in others as well. i feel like i can’t really go to anyone to explain the thoughts that run through my brain. i hate it so much.

the weekends are much worse than the weekdays. i have no confidence to go out and make something of myself. i get scared. anxiety overcomes me and stops me from doing anything i would consider fun. why does this happen?

i want to leave and get out of this place. i want to move somewhere where no one knows my name. i want a do-over. do those even exist anymore? who knows. i will never know…

i’ve got to go for now. i think i’ve made it clear how my weekend is going. i promise i am trying to find ways to make it better. anyways…

 

be well, my friend.
jb [19:06]

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